Dear Diary

Well after a terrible weekend I returned to work today. All went well I'm staying busy as usual. I really can't believe Vincent was such a complete bastard. I'm blowing it off but I just can't believe he said such awful things to me he really is a bitter little troll. He spits venom just like a snake in the grass. I hate him so much now and I will never forgive him. Melly is sick and all I can say for her is "God don't like ugly!" paybacks are a bitch! Although her being sick hasn't stopped her from posting her delusions on FB. Pathetic!

Today was the second day of school and it looks like we're off to a good start. I just wish V would make some friends. She looks unhappy but I'm hoping that will change soon. Tommy be with her and keep her and B from harm.

I really need to get myself together. I'm tired of feeling this way and letting assholes hurt me. I deserve so much better and it's about time I get what I deserve. I want my career to get better and I want my family to be happy and I want to find my happy again! I still believe - I refuse to be jaded!!! :)

K I'm off to bed - another busy day tomorrow.

Dear Diary -

What an awful night tonight turned out to be. Once again my heart gets splattered all over hell and back - such is the story of my life. When will I just realize that i'm just not meant to find happiness. I thought Vincent coming to go out with me would be a good thing and maybe it would have but somehow I doubt it - he really is just an asshole. He asks to go to Ejs and then proceeds to act a fool. He disrespects me when a tranny asks if i'm his girlfriend (he says no) and i'm like wth? We fight all the way home and he says some really hurtful shit. I see now that i never meant anything to him and i was a fool to ever believe his i love yous. The whole time I kept wishing Johnny was here to save me from this wretched place because he would never treat me this way - And Then I Remember...and i cry myself to sleep once again.

Goodbye to vincent forever!

Lately...

Well things have been kind of glum around here - I really think I'm depressed. I've spent the last month+ just staying home and sleeping. I only go to work and each day that gets harder to do. I have no interest in going out or anything i just want to sleep and eat and thats it! whats wrong with me? this is getting really old and i need to do something quick - its not even about Johnny anymore or is it? I feel so alone and dont have anyone to talk to cause melissa (my so called best friend) is off doing her own thing and has no intention of inviting me or including in me in any way. That's all fine so long as she never refers to herself as my best friend ever again because she has abandoned me and best friends dont do that. I don't plan on bringing it up because its not worth the hassle I leave it in God's hands. I guess I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Well Ernest calls and keeps in touch so thats good but we have yet to spend any time hanging out. Scip finally called the other night. He's been with some girl so he's been busy but sounds like he's doing ok.

I'm waiting ever so patiently to see my VB. I miss him so much and he says he misses me too alot. I wish he'd make more effort to spend time with me...oh well i'm settling arent i. But what else can i do.

ok i'm going to go watch movies with my luvbug she's got the popcorn going so i'll get back to you later.

Aug 10 2009

Dear Diary -
Well this past weekend has been pretty busy. I accomplished what I set out to do - prepare my kids for back to school. Friday we went to the doctor for a checkup and immunizations. Saturday we went shopping and I can now say we are ready for back to school. The only thing left is school supplies and mom will help me with that on the 20th. Everyone is happy with their purchases and that makes me happy. I'm sure I put myself in the hole but my littles are worth it. We spent the eve watching movies and on Sunday we watched ABDC's first show of the season. Today I went to register V at school and we had lunch at Denny's. Tomorrow is orientation. All in all a good weekend and now tomorrow it's back to work.

Week of Aug 3

This week has been a pretty good week - busy with work and waiting for payday to go shopping for back to school. I'm gonna put myself in the hole again but its for my kids and they are worth it. Mel sent me some email and text a pic which i couldnt see but she has been doing happy hours with others and still no invite for me. Oh well i'm just keeping track and it won't be long she'll get hers. God Dont Like Ugly.

Vincent called yesterday and he's asking when will i have time for him. pssht when he learns to treat me right cause until then he can just forget it i got nothing for him.

Yesterday mom took us to eat at Golden Corral and it was really good.

I've been getting messages on HC and so far only one cutie named Kerry. He's been emailing me but we have yet to really talk. I sent Adrian my number and he text me cause twitter was down most of the day yesterday - damn hackers! O added me to facebook so i caught him there and Jakob was busy so wasn't online much yesterday. (chuckles) i like how all my new friends are guys - just like me right?

Well it's Friday now and I'm working till 2:30 then I have to take the kids to the doctor. V needs shots and B is getting a checkup just cause it's long overdue. Hope all goes well. As for tomorrow we are hitting the mall to buy school clothes. I'm excited! I hope I can get them what they want I really want them to be happy. IGIT

Well thats all for now I better get to work or at least try to look busy! ciao!

Start of my blog...

Well I've decided to start blogging. Not for anyone to have access to just for me to vent as needed. I've got plenty to vent about although I try to keep it at bay.

So for my first entry:
So far this week has gotten off to a pretty good start. Work has been keeping my mind occupied and I've been staying home and spending time with the luvbugs. I haven't heard from Melissa but I never returned her last call so I don't expect to hear from her and that's that. As far as I'm concerned she made her choice and from the looks of her facebook comments she's enjoying life so good for her. I'm just on hiatus at the moment but I have no doubt that my time will come and I too will be enjoying life. I always knew she wasn't my Best Friend Forever.
I was hurt by her actions but I refuse to dwell on that so I just chose to walk away. I'm good at that I know. No harm no foul.
I thought Vincent and I would be together again but he's a jerk to me too and I've just had enough of that crap. I'm sure he's seeing others so why bother - we were over a long time ago. I miss Johnny more than ever and I can't tell you how much I wish he'd come back to me...but in my heart I know that's just wishful thinking. I just hope he's ok - wherever he is and whoever he's with take care of him for me because he'll always own my heart.
Haven't heard from Scip in forever - sent him a message on myspace hope he's ok and i hope to hear from him soon. It would be nice to see him and catch up.
No word from Kenneth - I'm getting worried.
Texted Robert yesterday and he's ok - gonna try to come visit soon. Hope to see him - he misses me and i miss him too. Can't wait to see him again!
Lately I've been spending more time online - twittering with Adrian, Jakob and lazy my O from NYC. Also on facebook. I'm debating on whether or not I should try e-harmony? hmmm it's an option? We'll see and I'll let you know.
Signing off - more to come...